The concept of closure means different things to people. We can’t see it, touch it, or even agree on exactly what it is, but so many survivors of narcissistic abuse hang their whole relationship recovery on getting it. Unfortunately, you never get anything that resembles real closure with a narcissist. And even those folks who don’t want their ex back still believe it will help them to feel better, and make it easier for them to move forward if they could get closure in the form of knowing that their ex-narcissist misses them, wants them back or is at least sorry.
Stover isn’t just no contact, no response for a certain amount of time to clear your head, and heal your heart. Stover is a frame of mind. It’s your new mantra. Stover is rejecting anyone who doesn’t appreciate you. Stover is closing the door forever, and putting a padlock on it. Stover is accepting the relationship is finished, and there’s no turning back, no matter what. Stover is ensuring there is zero possibility of any reconciliation, or potential for a future friendship. Stover is letting go of the need for vindication, or hope of an apology. Stover is accepting that the outcome was inevitable. Stover is building an impenetrable fort of protection. Stover is erecting a boundary that is indestructible. Stover is reacting proactively to guard against relationship amnesia. Stover is feeling confident about permanently ejecting toxicity from your life. Stover is crossing the bridge, then throwing a grenade over your shoulder, and blasting the bridge to bits. Stover is diffusing the narcissist’s vortex from ever regenerating. Stover is taking back your power. Stover is the sum of many small actions that equal complete, and total self-love. Stover is the loudest silent message that the relationship is not just over, it’s STOVER (So Totally Over!). Click on the link to read more about How To Permanently Detach From A Narcissist.
Bree Bonchay, LCSW, is a psychotherapist with over 18 years of experience working in the field of mental health and trauma recovery. She specializes in helping people recover from toxic relationships and shares her insights about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and psychopathy in her blog FreeFromToxic. Her articles have been featured in major online magazines and she has appeared on radio as a guest expert. She is also a dedicated advocate, educator, and facilitates survivor support groups and workshops.
Amazon link: http://amazon.com/2gCyYyL
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I Am Free, the title of this book embodies its core message. For anyone who has the misfortune of being embroiled in a toxic love relationship, or family relationship, the essays shared by other survivors can serve as encouragement that escape is possible. None of the contributors sugar-coated their experiences, or the degree of effort that it took to survive, leave, and heal from such traumatic relationships.
Time and again, these writers shared that, charmed by their partner, they ignored their inner voices when those early alarm bells rang. Many of these individuals were well-educated, and had successful careers, until… they sank into the quicksand of toxic partnership.
These stories are brutally honest, and chronicle the careful grooming process, so typical, of these kinds of unhealthy, and damaging relationships. This makes for a challenging read, AND IT IS IMPORTANT that they are read as both a cautionary warning, and an illuminating light, so that others might escape, and/or avoid the perils that these stories narrate.
Written from the heart of survivors of narcissistic abuse, this collection of stories and poems will empower readers dealing with the aftermath of a toxic relationship, and serve as a wake-up call to those who are in —or think they may be in— an abusive relationship with a narcissist or sociopath.
I Am Free validates and inspires the victims of toxic relationships with the experiences of people from all walks of life —featuring both women and men, who have found the courage to survive abusive relationships, either as adults or as children raised by narcissists, and sociopaths. These vignettes are heavy, raw, and painful, but the ultimate message is one of hope —that it is possible to gain happiness, and freedom after narcissistic abuse.
Here are just a few of the reviews.
By Melissa408on May 23, 2016
Inspiration, validation and hope after darkness
If you are coming out a relationship with a narc/sociopath, it’s likely that you are feeling confused, crazy, lonely, angry, anxious, paranoid, lost, shame and even hopeless. The more research you do, the more the cognitive dissonance kicks in, the more you ignore your gut and rationalize that your partner could not be a narcissist. Loneliness and isolation are what “victims” feel so this is the book you need to read. Unlike other books, “I Am Free” incorporates data from NPD with real life, relatable stories from fellow survivors that are both uplifting and validating. This book is the loving, supportive, compassionate, understanding, friend we all desired following the aftermath of our breakup. For most of us, our friends and family couldn’t help us they way we needed. Only fellow survivors can. I love that this book will help spread self-love and compassion after trauma. This is also a book for anyone who has had loved on in a toxic relationship and can’t seem to understand why he/she “doesn’t just leave” and “get over it.”
By Shelby Richardson May 20, 2016
Wow! Excellent book, highly recommend it, exactly what I needed to set myself free!
This book has helped me in so many ways, strongly recommend it. We are victims that need to learn we are also survivors and we need to know we can and will survive it, one day at a time. The best way to learn to survive is learning all you can, and I have been following Bree for a long while now, to help understand, educate, and learn exactly how to set myself free. I AM FREE now, is a wonderful book to help, couldn’t put it down. So glad to see others recover and read success stories, I found my way now and join me by finally being able to not only read I am Free but to say it and finally mean it that I survived and I AM FREE!!! 5 STARS
By Reader of all sorts on June 6, 2016
Stories And Truth Are Not Shared Over Coffee; No One Believes Them. This Book Will Change That…
Caught in the crosshairs of the cruel drama of damaging families and/or spouses, the sane individual becomes an innocent receptacle for incomprehensible devaluation. The thing is, they don’t even know why these people treat them so and accept that they are powerless. Stories and truth are not shared over coffee; no one believes them. The Malignant Narcissist has fooled the world until now, flashing his most charming facade at the rest of you and expects to continue to hide his enraged self as he has always done; lists of “traits” might give others a clue, but they can continue to hide in plain sight if that’s all you know. This book will change that.
“I AM FREE”, a collection of stories and poetry gathered by Bree Bonchay, tells others in similar relationships that what they are experiencing is real, has a name and is being met by indignation, support and validation in a world which formerly looked the other way, or worse, blamed the strength of those who battled to rise above the vindictiveness of Narcissistic Personality Disorder in their own lives. The words within this book, powerful and insightful, show the facility of these individuals to break free to a SELF-DEFINED reality, to understand those so disordered who nearly broke them and to want to help others by openly sharing how they endured the worst that everyday monstrous manipulators bring – and can say, “I AM FREE” to live, to love and share their unbelievable, true tales.
For more information about World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day and to find out how you can get involved go to. WNAAD
Breaking up with a narcissist reminds me of my experience with childbirth. It’s scary. It hurts like hell. It’s not something you can ever really prepare for. You feel nervous, afraid and a little relieved. You have no idea what to expect. You’re thrust into unfamiliar terrain and filled with fear of the unknown. When you’re faced with an overwhelming life challenge and feel completely ill-equipped and unprepared to deal with it, you just have to have a little thing called faith, or what I call finding your Bertha.
If you’re trying to get over a narcissist, there’s a lot of information on the Internet about the “no contact rule” and how to implement it. The problem is, with the passage of time, people develop relationship amnesia, and just around the time relationship amnesia begins to set in, the narcissist, like a tornado, will regenerate and strike again. No contact is good, but going Stover is even better. No that wasn’t a typo. Stover is a term a friend of mine coined, that means the relationship is “So Totally OVER” or Stover. Going Stover is a lot like going no contact only on Red Bull, and best of all it protects against dreaded relationship amnesia.